its funny how feelings develop over time without you even acknowledging them. Just when you thought things were in some sort of specific way, you realize they truly aren't. Yes, yes, we have heard it all before, you are only 16, hormones this and that.. but it is now when we are building our own personalities.
So it was raining today, as usual, i was sitting next to a guy who looked very familiar. It has been a while since the last time i stopped and thought of this person, but this guy, who did not even look that familiar now I'm looking back on this, made me go back to all my past memories of this time of the year in 2008 for at least one hour. So scary I'm telling you, cause now I'm still the same person I've been for the past months, but somehow, looking back on specific things that meant something in 2008, mean something completely different today.
I miss those things, I miss thinking like i did back then, i miss sneaking out of my best friends house to see someone , I miss the casual flirt and the sneaky meeting ups between clashing English classes, I miss the freedom and the non attachment but i miss the caring and the happiness of just getting a text that meant absolutely nothing to neither of us. Reading them now sort of hurts for some reason.
But most of all, i miss how he managed to keep me occupied enough so that I'd think of something else than myself. Now i feel kind of hollow and egocentric to be honest, don't blame me, blame him or blame destiny for tearing us apart.
Missing all this does not mean I would want it back today, because it would mean that every good thing that has happened since then; would have never changed me, but missing this means that a great part in my life is now making me realize how we really do not appreciate things enough until they are gone for, almost, ever.
J.
So it was raining today, as usual, i was sitting next to a guy who looked very familiar. It has been a while since the last time i stopped and thought of this person, but this guy, who did not even look that familiar now I'm looking back on this, made me go back to all my past memories of this time of the year in 2008 for at least one hour. So scary I'm telling you, cause now I'm still the same person I've been for the past months, but somehow, looking back on specific things that meant something in 2008, mean something completely different today.
I miss those things, I miss thinking like i did back then, i miss sneaking out of my best friends house to see someone , I miss the casual flirt and the sneaky meeting ups between clashing English classes, I miss the freedom and the non attachment but i miss the caring and the happiness of just getting a text that meant absolutely nothing to neither of us. Reading them now sort of hurts for some reason.
But most of all, i miss how he managed to keep me occupied enough so that I'd think of something else than myself. Now i feel kind of hollow and egocentric to be honest, don't blame me, blame him or blame destiny for tearing us apart.
Missing all this does not mean I would want it back today, because it would mean that every good thing that has happened since then; would have never changed me, but missing this means that a great part in my life is now making me realize how we really do not appreciate things enough until they are gone for, almost, ever.
J.
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